U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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