Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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