new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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