wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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