none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
