he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
