this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
