Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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