She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
