With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
