I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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