evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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