I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
