A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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