this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
