If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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