do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
