Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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