It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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