I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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