i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
