do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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