Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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