he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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