Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
