Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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