i don't like sucking hair
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
