If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
