I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
