I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
