Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
