I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
