how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
