Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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