census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
