I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
