the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
