I just cut my nipple shaving
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
