is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
