I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
