What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
