I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
