I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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