Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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