OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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