we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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