she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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