he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
