I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
