Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
