The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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