We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
