You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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