every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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