Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
