why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
