nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
