I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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