Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
